New Year - New Banner / Old Banner

Happy New Year - 2012.

I feel like this year has so much to offer.  I also feel as if, based on the amount of opportunities lying in front of me, I am staying at a point in my life where these paths can have very different outcomes.  I feel like Dorthy on the Yellow Brick Road.

Staying true to my yellow path....how to do it?  how to always recognize my path? how to not be deceived into straying? so on & so forth.......

I have decided to make some agreements with myself - 4 in fact:

1. Maintain my course of direction.  It has not lead me astray in 2011.  No point in making drastic decisions that will most definitely lead me astray.  Trusting this direction in all facets.
2. Make it a point to have a vacation to visit my family.....clicking my ruby slippers....and do some traveling to support my other endeavours (once / quarter)
3. Investing further into two realms that are of great importance to me - #1) mission efforts in the world, uplifting women and helping those in the sex industry, and 2.) reading the bible every day this year.
4. Sowing into my financial health by becoming debt free, investing in some new ways to diversify my portfolio, and developing a savings plan that can lead me to purchasing a house.

There are other tidbits that could fly out and land on my fingertip, but these 4 are deals I made with myself.  I have already begun the an exercise regime and allowed myself to start dating again.  These are small in comparison to the greater picture.  These 4 agreements will be those that are an extension of the foundation I began building last year.  If I continue to build on these 4 points - then I will have a house soon enough :)

I feel very fortunate to be further along than I was last year at this time.  I am grateful to God for all He has provided and the opportunities that continue to be lining my Yellow Brick Road.  His grace allows me to pick myself up, when I fall down, and keep on trucking :)

Wishing you all a fantastic year!!!

Blessings ~

Thanksgiving

As Thanksgiving approaches (for those that are not American-this is a time of year when we give thanks for those things most important in our lives) - I take a minute to give thanks:

* For friends and family
* For my sweet dog being home and completing a broken heart
* For a job and the ability to financially rebuild my life
* For my mental stamina to continue with school - work - new business - and life in general.
* For the healing that took place in my soul during a trip to Thailand (unconditional love realized)
* For the small (but huge) things - that I sometimes overlook - but simply walking, talking, seeing, hearing
* For my home and a warm place to lay my head this winter
* For all the laughs that each of my girlfriends always provide when I need them most
* For grace and mercy when I do not do the best
* For acceptance as to the person I am - and who I strive to be
* For love and intimacy in all my relationships that allows me to be comfortable with myself and the other person.
* For turkey feast with friends :)

Wishing all of you a fabulous holiday......

Stregnthening my inner "man"

I have come to the realization that my inner-core requires stregnthening.  This is both for my physical core muscles - spiritual / emotional fibers.  How do I do that?  Being the solution based person I lay out a checklist of a few ways immediately:

• Running
• Yoga / Core training / Pilates
• SRI
• Playing with my dog
• Reading
• Bible
• Self-help
• Finances
• Intimacy / Trust
• Strategy / business development
• Prayer
• Relational Development
• Church
• Mission Efforts
• Friendship (Time investmet)
• Self - what can I do to become a better friend to myself???
• Travel

Now that I have this list the key is to integrate it into my life.  I find this the difficulty.  When a day comes along and I get either a.) entrenched in work / school or b.) tired and lethargic or c.) overwhelmed so I give up.....but on the good days I get to do some of these things that bring me peace and happiness.  The Admin in me wants a schedule and a plan so I can have security in the knowingness that all things are being accomplished on my "important" list.

Priorities, as my grandpa would say....."Life is about priorities."

So what do I want to do the most?  Hmmmm.......this changes daily. 

End of this thought - I remain in prayer and rely on the Lord to direct my steps so all things can be accomplished for him.  This is relying on myself way WAAAYYY too much to figure it all out.

Thank you Jesus~!~!~!

Levels of Love

Recently I was engaged in a conversation where the group was discussing the facets of love - how they transform over time.

Interested in some of the buzz words people were using I went home and played on Google.  I came across a list of the 7 Levels of Love - Deepak Chopra and Oprah.

1. Attraction
2. Infatuation
3. Communion
4. Surrender
5. Intimacy
6. Passion
7. Ecstasy

Continuing on my word breakdown I used the dictionary to define each of these words:

1. Attraction
1. 1
   a: the act, process, or power of attracting b: personal charm
   2

   : the action or power of drawing forth a response : an attractive quality
   3

   : a force acting mutually between particles of matter, tending to draw them together, and resisting their separation
   4

   : something that attracts or is intended to attract people by appealing to their desires and tastes <coming attractions>
2. Infatuation
1. 1
   : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment
   2

   : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration
3. Communion
1. 1
   : an act or instance of sharing
   2

   acapitalized: a Christian sacrament in which consecrated bread and wine are consumed as memorials of Christ's death or as symbols for the realization of a spiritual union between Christ and communicant or as the body and blood of Christ b: the act of receiving Communion ccapitalized: the part of a Communion service in which the sacrament is received
   3

   : intimate fellowship or rapport : communication
   4

   : a body of Christians having a common faith and discipline <the Anglican communion>
4. Surrender
1. 1
   a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand <surrendered the fort> b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
   2

   a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
5. Intimacy
1. 1
   : the state of being intimate : familiarity
   2

   : something of a personal or private nature
6. Passion
1. 1
   often capitalized a: the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death b: an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion
   2

   obsolete: suffering
   3

   : the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces
   4

   a (1): emotion <his ruling passion is greed> (2)plural: the emotions as distinguished from reason b: intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction c: an outbreak of anger
   5

   a: ardent affection : love b: a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept c: sexual desire d: an object of desire or deep interest
7. Ecstasy
1. 1
   a: a state of being beyond reason and self-control barchaic: swoon
   2

   : a state of overwhelming emotion; especially: rapturous delight
   3

   : trance; especially: a mystic or prophetic trance
   4

   often capitalized: a synthetic amphetamine analog C₁₁H₁₅NO₂ used illicitly for its mood-enhancing and hallucinogenic properties —called also MDMA

During our conversation we discussed that it is hard to know what you are doing if you don't know where you are going.  In marriages, I am curious if both people really realize that there is a path to their "love" and if both people are walking the same path?  Friendship - work relationships - family......if you "loved" these individuals (even in a plutonic fashion).....shouldn't that love follow the same path?  More importantly, does it?  Do we get stuck in particular levels and that is all our mind perceives "love" to be?  How can this state of "love" be all-encompassing and satisfying all at the same time? 

 

The world is driven by it - it directs so many decisions in people's existence - yet, I wonder if people stop to reflect on the exact breakdown of this thing so many are searching for = "LOVE."

 

Curious thoughts on a Friday afternoon...........

Walk the Higher Path

Just received the proverbial slap across the wrist (and mouth / fingers) for talking so much crap.  Either my friend read it and was gently setting me straight - or his "all" knowingness kicked in and he knew I needed to read some serious alignment words.

I shouldn't have written bad things about work / co-workers.  I should be walking a higher path and that was a poor example of a Christian.  My testimony is my own actions.

Hanging my head ~ repenting.  My apologies for the outburst.  Instead of praying or relaxing and allowing it to pass I bleeped out my irritation.  Good lesson.  Even in this moment of anonymity I should reflect a higher path.  Examples are set and received all the time.

"Be the example of change you want to see in the world." ~ Thanks for the nudge in the right direction :)

Cranky Observationist

On a lighter note.....what is with the snow?  And my job - WOW!!!  Good thing I am coming off a "vacation" and riding the smiles that I stored up there.

Not to complain - but TOTALLY to complain!!!  18 inches of snow - what!?!?!?!.....could have waited until December.  Not the funnest.  My dog and I are playing in it, but only for 20 minutes at a time.  We both need to acclimate.

And my job - seriously - no one did anything when I was gone in my department.  I laid out specific strategies - tools to make it easier - diagrams - the whole "9" so to speak.  Did anything happen.  Oh heck no!!!  That would be too easy.  Didn't even follow standard procedures for auditing purposes.  Learning how to brain dump other people's stupid choices.

Typically I would have freaked out and then ran behind the entire office cleaning up the messes they made.  Not anymore - not this gal.  No more neurotic crazy person trying to fix everyone else's mistakes that they KNOWINGLY made.  Not setting that presidence.  NOPE!!  Just irritated that sometime's people choose to be lazy and do things half-way. 

It may be my perfectionist-type attitude, but my work is a reflection of who I am, so I can't turn in crap.  Curious how people always feel about cutting corners in everything.  Shows a reflection of character to me.  I am not a judge - rather an observationist.

Now a cranky observationist.  Gripe over!!!  Almost 5pm and then I can worry about important matters - like were to walk my dog, which local coffee shop to sit in and catch up on school work, and which pair of the most fashionable (yet functional) pair of ultra warm leggings to purchase for this winter :)  Suggestions welcome...........

"Re-entry"

It is hard to be back in the US.  I have unpacked my physical belongings and yet I feel like part of me is still over there.  My heart is still there...my mind is still there.  I am trying to settle back in and "adjust" to my regular duties of work - school work - and life in general.  It is like I am walking in a dream.  Talking to friends / family seem strange.  Before I left my mind was consumed with the "how's" to make everything happen.  Now I am still consumed with "how's".....but it is so overwhelming.  I don't want to go to my job - what a waste of time?  I know I need to make money to survive....but I have so many other things I want to do.

Be light......"how?"......allow God to work as He did before....."OK"........"how?"........

What is the lesson here?  Not sure.  Still trying to make my head stop spinning.  It stops and then restarts when I begin to look at my laundry list of things I want to accomplish.  Deep breathing and trying to practice some relaxation tools.  Not really working.

Sleep....that is all I want to do is sleep.  Then I dream.  Travel rather.  I am all over the place - back in Thailand, in places I don't know (yet), back home with family.  I feel like my spirit is trying to settle back into it's physical "home" again.

Finals in school - two weeks behind - not a great time to disconnect spirit and mind.  Just sayin......

"Peace is the referee"......praying that it comes.....but strangely I am not distraught.  I am not agitated.  I am not angry, hurt, upset,.......I am sad.  I feel my heart breaking and I am sad.  I suppose this is why I need to pray for peace.  Answer my own question - eventually.

Prayerfully waiting on God and me to realign.